Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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