I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
