you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
40s are totally the cure
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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