Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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