my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
