Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
