In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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