I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
