He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
