I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
