Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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