Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
