My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
