Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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