im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
