That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
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