what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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