Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
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