I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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