if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
