Porn is love you can see.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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