Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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