I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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