omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
