i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
