Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
