what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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