Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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