I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
