You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
