you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
so let's talk penis.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
