Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
