someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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