oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
