So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
