then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
my liver is dry heaving
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
