If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
