she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
