His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
