oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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