on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
