I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Michael Bay diarrhea
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
