god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
