Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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