none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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