I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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