this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
