Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
