Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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