i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
