WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
